Dear masked marauders and everyone else these days!
At the risk of sounding too over-the-top, there is one advantage of wearing masks (aside from… you know… preventing the spread of Cov-id). You can tell if your fresh and minty breath is actually fresh and minty. It works like this:
Mr. Quinn: I’m horny.
Jasmin: About time!
Jasmin dons mask, breathes out with mouth, inhales through nose. Wishes she were the heroine in a romance novel, because those bitches never have bad breath. Goes to bathroom and brushes teeth.
Returns to living room to find Mr. Quinn naked except for the mask he’s wearing as an eye patch and the parrot on his shoulder.
Mr. Quinn: Let’s play walk the plank!
Jasmin (new game, same stupid parrot): Sure, but not with the parrot.
Mr. Quinn (stands with the cuffs): He’s my first mate, wench! Hands behind your back!
Since I’m not getting out a lot, I’ve started a quest for sexy vegetables. I’m not eliminating fruit, but it’s sexy already. Ripe peaches, juicy watermelons, pear-shaped ass, popping the cherry, and of course, is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
The romantic in me loves this picture of carrot love. Click on the pic for the article about why vegetarians make better lovers. BTW: apparently most condoms aren’t vegan!
Before we move on to the very important news, I want share the discovery of 100 million year old sperm that was making headlines on September 17th. Seriously, every major news outlet carried the story.
Why? Because it’s about sperm, and not just old sperm, but also big sperm. And big sperm equals big balls which very likely equals a huge dick! At least that’s why I read the articles. All of them.
Yes. It was chaos back then. Not like now.
On to the best news!House of Shadowshas been released! Why is it such a big deal? Because it’s the 12th and final book the my Running with the Devil Series. I’m excited about the end, but having trouble letting go. That means that next year, I plan to publish two novellas.
Owen’s instant attraction to Mel, the woman he hires to investigate his father’s past, adds complications to his already tumultuous life. Mel’s past has left her scarred and vulnerable, and though she has all the skills she needs to fight the enemy of the day, she has no defense against her desire for Owen Scott.
More awesome news! If you’re not already signed up for my newsletter, get cracking! There are giveaways if you’re a subscriber including the chance to win 1 of 5 $10 Amazon gift cards. If I get 200 new sign-ups, one lucky subscriber will win an awesome gift basket!
Some of my books got a makeover last week, including Black Surrender, which has new title to go with it’s awesome new look! Isn’t it beautiful?
I did a little housecleaning with the all my books, updating back matter and a few bits and pieces. A couple of new covers and all my books are now available in paperback.
I have finally put my books into boxsets. Aren’t they pretty? Each collection has four books and Running with the Devil Books 9-12 will be available December 11, 2020. Amazon and I tussled over these and I’m embarrassed to admit, they broke me. It’s not often I beg, unless Mr. Quinn insists, but Mr. Amazon got me down on my knees. It worked though, because as of this posting they are all available (I hope).
What’s next for Jas, you wonder? Or maybe not, but I wonder. I’m kidding. I know what’s next.
First of all, I’ve gone wide. In the hips, yes, but also my books are now for sale on Amazon and Kobo, and soon, you’ll be able to buy them on Google, Apple, and Barnes & Noble. Unfortunately, going wide means I can no longer offer them for free in the Kindle Unlimited program.
Second, I’m putting together my publishing plan for 2021. Of course, I’ll be publishing a couple of Darkness Falls books. In February, Ulrich and Aubrey’s story gets told in Primal Heat. This book has been fun to write – I’m kind of in love with Ulrich. Primal Heat is available to preorder on Amazon and Kobo! And Leah finally gets her book sometime next summer. Is she really batshit crazy, or is there a vulnerable woman underneath that insane veneer? Stay tuned.
Finally, I’ve got a new series in the works that will be a whole lot of fun. Still romantic, steamy, spicy, plus blatantly humorous in a very biting way (I hope). That plus the two RWD novellas and at least two Darkness Falls books will keep me busy and out of trouble.
Oh yes, and my free book, Fearless, for my Newsletter is almost done. I had wanted it finished before House of Shadows was released, but it lost ground on my list of priorities. Everyone who subscribes to my newsletter will get a copy of this 65,000 word book.
I’m hoping I can finalize it before Christmas.
That’s all I got. Stay safe, friends and eat your vegetables.
I know what you’re thinking. The fuck is wrong with Jasmin, coming up with a shit greeting like that? Well, for starters, I’m blocked and not in that constipated way that uses up more toilet paper than is wise right now.
I’m writing Book 11 of my Running with the Devil Series and I’m behind schedule a little bit because my head is focusing on things I can’t control and suppressing the creative part of my brain, which by the way, is very small and easily wrangled into a corner and hogtied.
Which is why I’ve turned to blogging. I’m just going to let the verbal diarrhea spew and see what shit comes out. I don’t know what’s with the potty humour, truly. It’s not me – I like it dirty, but as you know, the only bodily functions below the waistline that I’m fond of are orgasms.
I’m also eating those little foiled wrapped chocolate Easter eggs, which generally don’t go well with red wine, but somehow, I’m making it work.
Bijou Hunter is in the house!
If you’ve managed to get through that horrible introduction, that means you are officially at the interesting part of the blog, mostly because the rest of this is devoted to Bijou Hunter, a fantastic writer of MC books that are dark and romantic and at the same time, funny as hell. If you like MC and you haven’t yet read Bijou, I highly recommend her.
While Bijou abhors ass kissing, I think that’s what got her to agree to the interview. I’m a good ass kisser, so much so, that people are seldom aware I’m doing it, unless of course, I’m not using it as a figure of speech, but literally doing it, lips on skin. Then it’s all about the thrills and chills, although I’ll save those details for another blog.
I find Ms. Hunter’s book’s highly addictive, in that when I start to read one, I can’t put it down. The good news is that Bijou has an impressive catalogue, which could keep a person distracted from current events for several days.
Bijou and I were planning to virtually meet at a Denny’s in Indianapolis, Indiana, and though I know the key word is virtually, given the travel restrictions and current social distancing requirements, we elected to virtually stay at home and behave ourselves, but only in the stay at home sense. Other than that, I’ve been bad, very, very bad.
Having said that, I did run a background check on Indianapolis and found out three important details.
Indianapolis is either hard to spell or everyone is spelling it wrong but me.
John Dillinger, the notorious criminal, was born in Indianapolis and while he died in Chicago, he is buried in Crown Hill Cemetery in Indianapolis.
And Wonder Bread of Indianapolis was the first to publicly market sliced bread. This is the fact that I should have started with given that sliced bread made the ‘80s so much better. And all the decades before and after, but particularly the ‘80s.
Ms. Hunter may not agree with my choices of the most important facts about Indianapolis, but since she’s not here to stop me, from writing them, I’m good to go (virtual sucks, hey Bijou?).
In honour of our interview, I ordered takeout from Denny’s while I composed this blog. Why Denny’s, you ask? Because Bijou denies she owns a Denny’s, but wanted us to meet there for the interview. I had the Parmesan Chicken Sizzlin’ Skillet because it has brussels sprouts (another word I’ve been spelling wrong, apparently) in it and really, who doesn’t love some crispy brussels sprouts? I’m only sort of joking.
I started the interview with some lightweight questions, mostly because I really wanted to know the answers.
JASMIN: Bijou, thank you for doing this interview with me. Tell me, who are you wearing?
BIJOU: Jeans, tie-dyed shirt, sneakers. My hair is currently purple.
JASMIN: So you’re wearing Prince?
JASMIN: You know, the singer?
There’s a long uncomfortable pause between the two of us while we sort out each other. Since it doesn’t appear that Bijou is willing to comment on the designer of her attire, I move on to a tough question.
JASMIN: In your own words, please explain what a fapsock is for those of us who lead sheltered lives or live in Canada.
BIJOU: The sock fellas use to collect the manna from heaven their magic lamps squirt after a little stroking.
JASMIN: Is this a well-kept secret or am I the only romance writer out there that had no idea that fapping is the new idiom for masturbation? Or, alternatively, are you the only romance writer aware of this?
BIJOU: I don’t know how common the term is in romance books, but I hear/read men use the word on Reddit and other forums. I try to give each series its specific slang. Like the fricking/frigging/fucking debates from Rawkfist MC and White Horse. Or the term “baller” from the Rawlins Heretics MC series. People in real life usually pick up terms from their friends, so I try to give each group some kind of slang or quirk that belongs to them.
JASMIN: I don’t understand what’s wrong with the tried and true “jerking off”. It too can be insulting (jerk-off as a noun, not as a verb as in to jerk oneself off). In this new world order, if I call someone a fapsock, I’m basically referring to them as a jizz-encrusted footwarmer. Is that correct?
BIJOU: Yes, you’re basically calling a woman a whore if you call her a fapsock. Like a cum dumpster or a jizz receptacle.
For anyone interested in seeing fapsock used in context, please refer to Bijou’s recently published book, I’m With You.
JASMIN: Speaking of new books, you’ve been extremely busy in 2020, publishing three books already. What else do you have planned for the rest of the year?
BIJOU: Well, back in 2013, I wrote Damaged and the Outlaw. In the book, an enforcer and his fertile honey fell in love. They went on to have eight kids. The rest of this year will be spent giving happily ever afters to most of their hippie ninja offspring.
JASMIN: I remember the book. They end up having eight children, don’t they?
BIJOU: Yes. That’s what I just said.
JASMIN: I knew I heard it somewhere. I won’t ask why they had eight children. Clearly this is a work of fiction. Let’s keep this going. How many books a year do you generally publish?
BIJOU: I average about six, one every two months. As much as I wish to be one of those super productive authors, that’s a skill set I don’t possess.
JASMIN: One every two months is quite prolific, given the stellar quality of the books you produce. What are you currently working on? When will you unveil it to the world? What else have you got planned for your readers for 2020?
BIJOU: I’m writing My Silver Lining. The hero is the first-born son of the Outlaw couple. After its release in May, I’ll finish the Reapers MC: Shasta Chapter with the romance of the daughter of the couple from Damaged and the Bulldog.
JASMIN: I cannot wait (yes, I can, because nothing will happen to me even if I can’t). Which book(s) that you’ve written to date is your favourite and why?
BIJOU: Um, that’s difficult to answer. I enjoyed writing MJ in Down to my Bones. I have a soft spot for weirdos. The most fun to write would be any of the White Horse or Rawkfist MC books because they’re swimming with snark. The most challenging to write was the Spent Shells Duet that came out this year. Mainly because the plot structure was different than I’d written before.
JASMIN: My favourite books of yours are Down to My Bones and Don’t Do Me Wrong, which we’ll cross paths with later in the interview. I enjoy reading anything you write, but these two stayed with me long after I finished them. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed the Spent Shells Duet and the trip down memory lane with Gator and Mia. It prompted me to reread their story.
What genres do you enjoy reading? Do you have favourite authors outside the romance and erotica genres?
BIJOU: Romance obviously, but I stick mainly to romantic suspense and some PNR (paranormal). I also like urban fantasy and horror. When I was reading more UF (urban fantasy), I enjoyed Ilona Andrews and Darynda Jones. Like most people my age, I grew up reading Stephen King. However, I don’t have the patience for his 1000-page monsters anymore.
JASMIN: I agree with you about Stephen King. It’s been a while since I’ve picked up a book of his. Are there other things readers can look forward to this year that are unrelated to your books? Do you plan to involve yourself in a nationwide scandal that will have people tweeting #bijousbaildenied? If not that kind of scandal, then what scandal can we expect from you?
BIJOU: Fuck no. I’m the anti-scandal girl. I’m far more likely to disappear off the face of the earth and have only a few people notice.
JASMIN: I would notice and so would your many readers. And I’m not sure about your anti-scandal position. Someone who can define fapsock as coolly as you did, has some serious mojo. Maybe you should write an urban dictionary since the current one doesn’t include fapsock.
BIJOU: I think I’ll let the youngsters handle the Urban Dictionary since they’re so keen on new words.
JASMIN: My proofreader is the type of professional expert that doesn’t tell, but shows, which is why I think she introduced me to your books (see how good I am at backhanded compliments?). I’m glad she did though because you have a large portfolio, which made me a happy girl for several months.
However, your books have raised a number of burning questions. Let’s start with the titles for your books. I find them engaging, which is highly important for a writer. How do you come up with them?
BIJOU: Some are song titles that I liked or lyrics that hit the right note. I keep a list of possible titles in an excel sheet, where I log character names, place names, etc.
JASMIN: I do that too. And on scraps of paper, ink on my hand, and once on a bar of chocolate. Do you have a habitual word that crops up in your writing all the time? I tend to overuse ‘just’ and ‘little’ and several other words, but this is your interview not mine.
BIJOU: I use the word “pretty” too much. “That’s pretty baller.” “You’re pretty hot.” That type of thing. Slang-wise, I use the term “dig” far too often. Like it’s forever the 1970’s, man. Can you dig it?
JASMIN: I can dig it. I like the term “baller”. At first, I thought it meant awesome, but now I’m thinking that’s wrong. It’s better than awesome. It’s like super-awesome. So the term baller is baller. Am I right?
BIJOU: Yep, it’s another way of saying awesome.
JASMIN: I understand from one of your personalities, that you have several voices in your head that help you write your books. Tell me a little about them. Do they all talk at once? How do you shut them up? In which part of your brain do they reside?
BIJOU: The dark voice demands to see people overcome life’s trials. The snarky voice wants to witness people in goofy scenarios. There’s an action voice who wants to punch people and shoot stuff. Sometimes, they work together. Other times, they fight for prominence. I shut them up by binging on YouTube movie review videos.
JASMIN: YouTube is a black hole of hell that sucks people in and keeps them awake until the wee hours of the morning. Speaking of snark, you’re very good at writing it. Are you a snarky person in real life?
BIJOU: Yes, I’m a snarky chick. Though I’m not the life of the party, I will huddle in the corner with my favored person and snark away. I’m essentially Chandler from Friends. Could I be any more obnoxious?
JASMIN: I know you hate ass kissing, but it truly is one of my favourite activities, although I prefer the passive-aggressive method. I love your books because your characters are perfectly imperfect, the dialogue is fantastic, and you are an excellent storyteller. Your books have some elements of suspense and intrigue, but mostly they’re romances. Still mixing them with an MC world adds the perfect amount of bad boy in the male characters. Notice, no passive aggressiveness, just plain old ass kissery.
Why did you decide to use the MC world (primarily) as your settings for your books?
BIJOU: I enjoy the freedom of characters living on the edge of society. While there are plenty of criminal organizations to choose from, I feel most of my characters’ grounded struggles fit best in the MC world.
JASMIN: You’re a risk taker with your characters. Don’t do me Wrong: Reapers MC: Conroe Chapter Book 1was a standout book for me because of Sissy. It was one of those books that stayed with me long after I finished it, primarily because I was upset at the people around her for not giving her the support she needed to recover from her father’s abuse. How was this story initially received by your readers? Did you take any flack for calling her “The Dummy”?
BIJOU: It’s important to me for my characters to own their flaws. I’m sure there were readers who didn’t like Sissy being called The Dummy. Calling her The Ditz might have been easier for readers to digest, but that wasn’t how she viewed herself or the name she grew up hearing. Part of Sissy’s journey was accepting who she was (growing up poor/abused, not being particularly bright) without shame. Often times, building a happy life isn’t about fixing yourself but accepting yourself, flaws and all.
JASMIN: Nice sentiments and well-said. Sissy was well-developed as an abused child/woman. There were so many aspects of this particular book that you nailed including the apathy many of the supporting characters had towards her simply because of who her father was. I guess I wished for her to not let her abuse define her intelligence. I wanted her to rise above it because the concept of intelligence is a lens that others view you through, and if you hear that you’re stupid enough times, you start to believe it about yourself. Having said that, the way the story progressed and ultimately ended was what made it powerful.
BIJOU: That’s a valid point about not wanting her abuse to define her intelligence. It comes down to perspective. If you believe Sissy is a dumb woman with qualities outside of intelligence, then she came into her own in the book. If you feel as if she was a woman of normal intelligence who believed she was dumb because of abuse, then she never reached her potential. I’m sure readers fall on both sides of that question.
JASMIN: Let’s move to some lighter conversation starting with the requisite Murder, Fuck, Marry question.
Which of your characters would you murder?
BIJOU: I know he has a small following with my hardcore readers and gained some redemption in his son’s book, but I’d kill Tucker Johansson in a heartbeat. He’s always been a pain in my ass.
JASMIN: Oh poor Tucker. He’s a good choice. Who would you fuck?
BIJOU: That’s tough, but I’d probably choose Angus Hayes. Mostly, I’m extremely curious about the size considerations. I know his son, Cap, is bigger, but he’s far too young for a woman my age to molest.
JASMIN: Hmmm, yeah. Angus (of Junkyard Dog fame) is one of my favourite of the men you’ve written, for exactly the reasons you mentioned. His maturity, along with his other assets, is very appealing. I like his gruffness too and the fact that he’s highly intimidating. Who would you marry?
BIJOU: Probably Chipper Wilburn. He’s the right kind of supportive and snarky for my taste. Plus, he likes cats, makes homemade pizzas, and has a snazzy house.
JASMIN: I’ve read all your books but one, which is a lie, since I discovered more when I forgot who Chipper was and had to search him out. Chipper is the main male character in Booze O’Clock (White Horse Book 3) and now I have to reread that one too. I think I’ll just reread them all.
Someone mentioned that you have a bad memory, but I can’t recall who said it. Let’s see if the wench who ratted you out is actually right about your recall ability.
The following are lines you wrote. Without looking them up, provide the book title and character speaking.
“With the new flooring and updated kitchen, it’s pretty fucking baller.”
BIJOU: I guessed this was one of the Rawlins Heretics MC books because of the word “baller.” I checked, and it’s Devil’s Ruin.
JASMIN: You are correct.
“What makes you think it’s cold?” she asks, mimicking my smile. “I’ve been thinking about you fucking me since we got back to the room. That’s a lot of heat built up between my legs. Hell, I’m surprised the countertop isn’t sizzling.”
BIJOU: Not a fucking clue.
JASMIN: This one is from Whiskey Blues (Serrated Brotherhood MC Book 2) – Ruby is speaking.
“Your lips say frick off, but your nipples are saying suck me. Bite me a little too. Make me hard and then take that tongue down between the nice lady’s legs so my friend Pussy can enjoy you too.”
JASMIN: Yup – the dialogue you write is so much fun to read. Another of my favourite lines from this book is Vaughn telling Raven, “You’re mine. If you leave, I’ll chase you. If you run, I’ll chase faster. If you let me catch you, I’ll make you my slave.” That’s serious romantic shit right there.
“Colton can do a hundred push-ups,” she says, pulling a random nugget of information from her head. “Can you?”
JASMIN: Nice job. And four dogs are never too many, by the way.
And the last one: I don’t know much about myself, but I’m looking into it. Apparently, I make stupid videos with my friends. One is called Mortal Komedy.
BIJOU: I got nothing.
JASMIN: That was a trick question; it’s a quote by Phelan Porteous.
About Bijou’s Life
JASMIN: How do you observe the Easter holidays? With chocolate bunnies and coloured eggs, continuing to perpetuate the lies all parents tell their children about unseen beings that sneak into their children’s bedrooms, take their teeth, eat their cookies, and kiss their mothers under the mistletoe and then wonder why their offspring are afraid of the dark? Or other?
BIJOU: I really don’t do anything for Easter and not just because of the childhood trauma you described.
JASMIN: You live with your mother. How’s that going?
BIJOU: Her presence in my life invigorates the voices in my head.
JASMIN: I’ve lived with my mother too. For the first several years of my life and then later, when she got kicked out of her apartment for scaring the neighbours. Moving along, I’ve been told that you’ve never married and yet you own three sons. Can you explain how that came about? Did someone drop them off on your doorstep along with a basket of cats or did you have to go somewhere to get them?
BIJOU: I had sex, Jas. See, when a man and a woman like each other to a certain degree, sometimes they get naked and…
JASMIN: Oh, I see. It’s that way, is it? Seems like a lot of work. Getting someone to deliver them in a basket all at once seems quicker and a lot less messy. I won’t ask anymore questions about your offspring, mostly because I don’t want to.
I used to work at Bob’s Burgers when I was a young lass, prior to becoming a famous Canadian. Regarding Bob’s Burgers, the TV show, which cast member would you invite to be a character in one of your books. Explain your choice.
BIJOU: Gene’s snark and enthusiasm for OTT behavior would really fit in with my characters. I’d have to sexy him up a little, though. No offense, but that hair ain’t working, kiddo.
JASMIN: In 2013, TV Guide ranked Bob’s Burgers as one of the top 60 Greatest TV Cartoons of All Time. Apparently, there were only 60 TV Cartoons ever made to that point, so it’s quite an accomplishment. What exactly is it that you like about this TV cartoon?
BIJOU: The humor obviously, but they’re also a family that’s crazy about each other. The three kids are best friends, always backing each other up on nutty adventures. The parents are just as wild as their kids (rather than being the exasperated elders tisk-tisking the kids’ antics). Basically, they are the cartoon equivalent of my snarkier families in White Horse and Rawkfist MC.
JASMIN: I’m ashamed to say I’ve never watched Bob’s Burgers before you mentioned it. I was able to track down a snippet of a u-tube video of it. I think it was a Christmas special and over my head (not really, but I needed a segue). Speaking of other things over my head (see, perfect seque), when you were a child and you saw a falling star, what did you wish for?
BIJOU: World peace and donuts.
JASMIN: Nice. I’m not nearly as selfless as you. I always wished for a bucket of chocolate ice cream that I wouldn’t have to share with anyone. These days, it’s the same wish, except I want vanilla ice cream with a side of maple syrup.
I think you are warmed up enough to tackle some tough questions. I can feel your body heat all the way from Indiana, so here goes. If a homeless chicken named Dumpling was vomiting up a pumpkin-spice café latte in your kitchen, how would you cope with her?
BIJOU: First, I would worry for Dumpling’s safety since my cat, Rainbow, would fucking slaughter her. After I got the chicken to safety (much like the time I had to relocate a duckling from our backyard), I’d get my oldest son to clean up the pumpkin-spice crap before the smell made me puke.
JASMIN: You are a kind person to the chicken, not so much to the boy. Next question. Since you deny owning a Denny’s franchise, explain why Denny’s keeps popping up in your early books?
BIJOU: You know those hipster douches who sit at coffee shops and write their magnum opus? Well, that was me except that I was a middle-aged chick writing romances at a Denny’s. I had a favorite waitress (Sabie) and would only go when she was working. I’d stay for a few hours, writing and editing. After gaining three hundred pounds, I decided I might need fewer pancakes in my life. Now I write at home.
JASMIN: Thank you for your honesty. Are you a hippie? I think you’re too young to be an official hippie, but is hippiness in your genes? Should I be asking your mother this question?
BIJOU: I prefer the term “bohemian” to hippie. As for my mom’s opinion, if you choose to ask her, you best block out a few hours from your day because the woman’s never known a story that she couldn’t make longer.
JASMIN: I know people like that. I call them the Why say it in three words when you can say it in 15 type of people. I’m sure your mom’s a lovely woman, but chatty mothers are on my list of things not to get tangled up with. Speaking of mothers, what’s your favourite horror movie? How many times have you seen it? Why is it your favourite?
BIJOU: I love horror movies, so picking just one is tough, but the ones I’ve seen the most are “The Thing” and “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978). What they share in common are great soundtracks, casts, and writing. I love the sense of increasing dread along with the characters’ growing sense of isolation as the people around them change. I’d say I’ve seen “The Thing” the most. Maybe fifty times over the years, which sounds like a lot but I’m 47 and it used to air on TV a lot.
JASMIN: My bladder is too weak to handle horror movies, although for some odd reason, I do like The Grudge and will watch it when it’s on. Also, the Alien franchise if it counts as a horror movie?
BJ: The first “Alien” is definitely a horror movie. The Grudge is creepy AF too. Oh, and good luck with that weak bladder problem, btw.
JASMIN: Thank you. Can you name four other famous Canadians besides me?
BIJOU: Easy. The cast of The Kids in the Hall: Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson. That’s five Canadians crushing your head right there.
JASMIN: Man, did I not see that coming, probably because I’ve never seen The Kids in the Hall. Or if I have, I don’t remember. I hope that doesn’t get me thrown out of Canada. Time to shift directions. There are quite a number of dogs in your books, and yet you own three cats. Do you not like your cats? Do you wish they were dogs?
BIJOU: I prefer cats, but not all characters can be cat people. Just like how most of my characters used to drink soda and never coffee because I hate coffee and love soda. Eventually, I had to shake things up. Hence, a lot of dog people.
JASMIN: How interesting. There isn’t a single cat in any of my books, not because I don’t like cats. Like children and mothers, I tolerate them. What does your cat, Rainbow, think of his name?
BIJOU: He goes by Bow-Bow most days, which is super tough and shit, so he forgives my youngest son for naming a black and white cat Rainbow.
JASMIN: Are you sure Rainbow forgives your son? He’s a cat after all and that makes everything he says and does suspect.
BIJOU: BIJOU: Bow-Bow’s an asshole. If he was still pissed, we’d all know it.
JASMIN: What would your cats say about you if I asked them for a reference?
BIJOU: Pixie would say, “Mine.” Tinker would say, “Eh, the boy is better.” Bow-Bow would say, “Wait, which one is she?”
JASMIN: Exactly. See my point above. Let’s talk about your mother’s dog. You’re on record as referring to him as ugly. Can you describe him, so my readers have an understanding of his ugliness?
BIJOU: Rafe was a puggle with a bug eyes and a smooshed nose. He was spoiled AF and followed my mom around all day. We had him for fifteen years. Unfortunately, he’s no longer with us. Rafe’s been peeing on furniture in doggy heaven since January.
JASMIN: I’m sorry to hear about Rafe. Maybe he’s hanging out with my dogs, Piper and Sammy, thought I doubt it. Piper’s a stuck-up bitch and Sammy does whatever Piper tells him to do. Next question. If you could redesign the food pyramid, how would it look?
BIJOU: I’d keep it just the way it is and continue to ignore its existence.
JASMIN: Good answer. What would your perfect murder weapon be and why?
BIJOU: That pencil move from John Wick was pretty sweet. Hmm… I don’t know if it’s a perfect murder weapon, but I once broke a guy’s nose with a dust buster.
JASMIN: Now I have to rewatch John Wick. I think a dust buster is a perfectly good murder weapon providing it’s fully charged.
JASMIN: If peanut butter wasn’t called peanut butter, what would it be called? Explain your answer
BIJOU: Sticky brown goo. I figure that would go over as well as when diary farmers wanted to rename almond milk “nut juice.”
JASMIN: Did they really? I drink a lot of nut juice… hmm, I see why it didn’t stick. A penguin wearing a sombrero walks through your front door. What does he say and why is he there?
BIJOU: He’s clearly drunk and at the wrong house. The lost lush will likely scream obscenities as my cats attempt to feast on him. If he survives, I’ll call him an Uber.
JASMIN: Note to penguins: Avoid Indianapolis. Who would win a battle between a ninja and a pirate?
BIJOU: Ninja, for sure, with all that badass training. The pirate would probably be too drunk to do much anyway. However, if it’s a battle of STDs, I’d give the win to the pirate.
JASMIN: I like pirates and always wanted to be ravaged by one, but the STDs is a non-starter. Now I have to revise my bucket list. Is there anything else I should ask you or that you would like to add?
BJ: Nope. Your questions are awesomesauce!
JASMIN: Your answers are awesomesauce! You… awesomesauce person, you.
Bijou Hunter is a romance author of Romantic Comedy and Suspense. Living in Indiana with her three sweet sons, three wacky cats, one super mom, she loves 1970s rock, Call of Duty, Phelan Porteous, and sitcoms canceled before their time.
Her books are available on Amazon, Kobo, B&N, Apple, and Google. She’s also published m/m romance under the pen, Ily Jacks and paranormal/horror under the pen, Tatiana Xavi.
You can connect with Bijou at the following links:
Book 11 of Running with the Devil was originally going to be called Mr. Master, but I’ve changed the title to Duplicity. It’s a better fit, I think. I’m loving the rollicking adventures of Mr. Jackman and Brook Lafferty. Lots of snark, heat and action. But no cover yet and I’m not sure when I’ll have it up for presales. Probably when I have a cover.
Other mentionables? I’m doing my best to stick to my publishing schedule for this year, which means a busy summer, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be doing any camping (as if), so I’ll write instead.
I’m taking a break from blogging author interviews because I’m jug’s deep working on my books and I want to concentrate on a couple of other projects. Thank you to my girls, DD Prince, Annabel Joseph, Nikita Slater, and Bijou Hunter for playing with me.
I hope you’re all doing as well as you can in this trying time and that you are able to stay connected with friends and family through social media and other digital means.
Thank you to the delivery people who bring me wine and pizza and to all the front line workers who are keeping the doors open, the lights on, the sick comforted and the buses moving.
Stay strong, stay isolated and stay hydrated.
A few facts regarding things I said in this interview:
My mother did get kicked out of her apartment for scaring the neighbours and moved in with me.
2. I had children, but they grew up and left me. They claim that doesn’t change their status as children, but I’m undecided.
3. I have never watched Kids in the Hall, The Titanic, or Bob’s Burgers, but I do watch some TV and am very much devoted to weird movies often set in foreign countries.
4. I do like pirates and still want to be ravaged by one, preferably without STDs.